Feb 14, 2006

fetal fears

Posted by Mary |

I have two friends who are pregnant right now. That's two women who are both pregnant, as I don't buy into that couple-y "we're pregnant" crap. Only one of you gives birth, so only one of you is pregnant.

Back to my point. One of my friends just stopped by my office with her young son and told me that she's been scheduled to give birth in 5 weeks. She has gestational diabetes, and is looking forward to having sugar again in about 6 weeks.

The other friend is pregnant with twins. By the look of the sonogram, they are positioned head to foot or, as she put it, "kicking each other in the face." Tom and I have been hard at work coming up with names for her babies. However, "Pocky" and "Pretz" are reserved for our future dogs.

And so, on this, the holiest of Hallmark holidays, I look over the ritual of pregnancy, birth and parenting and wonder why. Don't misunderstand me - I'm very happy for both of my friends, and I know their children will bring them joy. But for me, the whole concept of subjugating your life to another person for 18 years is completely foreign. From buying a house in a good school district to taking "fun" family vacations to Disney World to uttering the phrase "Make your poopies in the potty," I just don't get it.

And so today I pledge my love to Tom. He understands me. He loves me. He puts up with me. And he never, ever wants me to have a child.


LawNewLondon said...

Yeah it's a personal decision. I thought of a lot of justifications for having children, but then thought why bother posting them because once again it's a personal decision.

Mary said...

I'd say there's an equal number of reasons for and against having children, and it ultimately comes down to the couple's beliefs. For some reason, though, many people react very badly to a person's decision to not have children.

It would be more acceptable to say "I want to have four kids" than to say "I don't feel I have the patience or the lifestyle to be a good parent, so I'd rather not have a child."

lawnewlondon said...

I guess what is probably irksome is your use of the word subjugation in the post. It is defined as "forced submission to control by others". I can say personally no one forced me to have children. I suppose you could argue that your decision not to have them is egocentric or hedonistic. Just as you rightly don't like the attitude of people who have children that there is something wrong with you because you choose not to bear issue. The shoe fits on the other foot. There is nothing wrong with people who do make a decision to have them. I felt there was a little of a snarkiness in the way you worded things.

Mary said...

Me? Snarky?
No snarkiness at all, lawnewlondon. As I've said, I'm happy for my friends who chose to have children. I don't doubt that your children are wonderful people and have given you great joy in life. Just like if I had kids they would be great because they'd be equipped with the killer combination of my genetic pool and Tom's.
Just remember to stop at two kids, because the second one is always the best.