Nov 30, 2006

heard in the kitchen

Posted by Mary |

We've been out-dorked.
--Tom, on Jennie (who else?)
after she compared the baby to a
villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Nov 21, 2006

well played

Posted by Mary |

Audio conference this morning. Yawn. Boring. Until one guy tickled my fancy by calling the planned reorganization fatuous*. Good word usage! Well played!

*1. foolish or inane, esp. in an unconscious, complacent manner; silly.
2. unreal; illusory.

Nov 15, 2006

how to waste time

Posted by Mary |

Since I don't really feel like redoing my blog at the moment, here is a list of great ways to waste time on the Internet *

The 30-Second Bunnies Theatre: See your favorite movies re-enacted in 30 seconds. By bunnies.

List of Unusual Deaths: Famous people who died in odd ways.

The Brick Testament: An illustrated Bible. Done entirely in Legos. Rated for nudity, violence, sexual conduct and cursing.

* without resorting to porn

Nov 9, 2006

how to deal

Posted by Mary |

While Tom spent election night particiapting in a virtual Big I with Marmian and friends, I worked on decorations for our Christmas tree. Behold, the little blingy Army ornaments!

Our, um, angel? Why, Beach Fun Blaine, of course!

No, Mom, this does not mean you can buy me decorations. Don't even try it. I'm perfectly happy with decorations I make out of things from the $1.50 store.

Nov 8, 2006

it could be worse

Posted by Mary |

Hey, at least our new governor is pretty. And as Tom said last night, "I don't think she knows anything, but I think she could learn."

So, good news for the rest of the country: The Dems take over! Some good news for Fairbanks: Kawasaki, Thomas, etc. But bad news for Alaska: Palin, Young.

But like I said, she's sort of pretty. Which almost makes up for her other shortcomings. Case in point: her appearance at a debate at West Valley in Anchorage.

Nov 7, 2006

from the inbox

Posted by Mary |

Spam: Earlier this year we wrote to you about our Knowledge Based Degree Program (KBDP). We thought we would follow up and see if there is any reason why you have not called our registrars office. 

Me: Well, I don't usually trust schools that can't figure out how to punctuate a possessive, but go on....

Spam: Most people don't realize that these degrees are completely valid, and only our staff and yourself know that they are based on knowledge of the subject.

Me: Really? So you're accredited, then? And FYI, it would be "only our staff and you." But maybe you're not trying to offer degrees based on your knowledge of English.

Spam: If you are still interested in obtaining a degree then please give our counselors a call at anytime during the week.

Me: See, there's a punctuation problem there, too. And I care about these things.

Spam: Counselor Office:

Me: OK, you got me. I was expecting a number from the Virgin Islands.

Spam: Regards
Shirley Mitchell
Valentinus 0nline College

Me: Hold up, Shirley. First, use a capital "o," not the number "0." Second, you don't even have a Web site so I can mock you more in my blog. Won't you please put up a Web site extolling the virtues degrees based on the knowledge of a subject? Pretty please?

Nov 3, 2006

what this week would have been like

Posted by Mary |

I would have blogged this week. I would have returned to my picture-filled posts of days past. I likely would have started off the week with a picture of the local gas station marquee urging drivers to "Try our pure Colombian." Alas, by the time I got back with a camera, it had been changed. I probably would've referenced Tom's jokes about marching powder when we saw the sign.

I would have told you all about my trip to the chiropractor last week. I would have likened cracking my back to driving a motorcycle over a mile of bubble wrap. Then I would have crowed about how my insurance is paying for massages. I would have assured you that they are desperately, medically needed.

I would have updated you on the happenings at Hidden Hill. That includes the dinner conversations about people who can't let different foods on their plates touch each other. I would have quoted Russ, who used to be like that but has since reformed. It would have looked like this:

I let my lettuce come to the front of the bus.
--Russ, on getting over
his food segregation issues

I would have told you how I can't quite figure out how to best take advantage of the free tuition, but am leaning toward just amassing a wealth of additional bachelor's degrees. I probably also would have mentioned how my boyfriend rocks because even though he had a stomach virus, he installed my new battery and pad in my vehicle. In the dark. In the cold.

I would have done a lot of things, if only I'd had the time.