Mar 30, 2007

geek alert

Posted by Mary |

Did an Amazon reviewer really just compare the nonstick coating on a Calphalon hard-anodized pan to the one ring? Yes, I think he did....

Mar 29, 2007

evil thoughts

Posted by Mary |

I was passing the time in the main cabin and chatting with Jennie when she noticed that I had received the alumni magazine from my high school. Yes, my high school. It's one of those fancy, full-color, glossy affairs that you'd expect from, say, a private and horrifically expensive college. Well, I went to a private and horrifically expensive high school (but I was a scholarship kid - ha!). When Jennie expressed her surprise, I began regaling her with tidbits from it.

  • So-and-so is taking a year off from college and travelling the world. Here are pictures of him in the Galpagos Islands!
  • Rich Kid X has started a business importing Ecuadorean woven rugs in Manhattan. Anyone in the area should drop by! It would be great to catch up with other alumnae!
  • Spoiled Girl is proud to announce that she has given birth to yet another child with a yuppie name. She has left the law firm to stay at home with her children while her husband is continuing his career as a surgeon in Sweden.
  • Pretty Boy was recently featured on ABC's The Bachelor, where the girls all obsessed over the fact that he's a prince. (Oh, wait, that one is actually true. Shoot me now.)

Do these people all lie? Or are they truly the glitterati? I should have totally married one of those rich bastards, but since I couldn't stand most of them, I'm left with only one recourse: Lies. In the past, I've sent the alumni magazine my version of the truth.
  • Mary has left college to pursue a career in dance.
  • Mary is finishing her degree and working at the Hartford Courant.
  • Mary has moved to Alaska and lives in a dry cabin in a Quaker commune. She is happy to shit outdoors in the winter.
But the gloves are off, baby. No more semblance of the truth. If they can live exciting and wonderful lives, so can I! Thanks to Photoshop, I can travel anywhere! Thanks to my relative anonymity, I can have any job! Thanks to my loose moral compass, I can tell all these things to my former classmates.

So, if anyone asks, I was recently outed as a spy while working undercover in the former Yugoslavia. Fortunately, the United States was able to trade one of their political prisoners to gain my sweet, sweet freedom. I'm recovering from the experience at my ranch in Montana while I ponder new career options. This just might be the time to finish that PhD thesis on Native American female landscape architects working Paris from 1954-62.

But if that seems too outlandish, Jennie has agreed to pose for "commitment ceremony" pictures that I can send in!

Mar 27, 2007

like a bee

Posted by Mary |

Things have been getting a little hectic with the dance scene lately, which is my roundabout way of saying I haven't posted in a while.

Cold Fusion is getting busy. We had a photo shoot, I designed promotional postcards, and they were just shipped to me today. Whee!!

We've got an hour-long time slot for the Ester Library Lallapalooza on Sunday. Hopefully we've got enough material to fill it. Next Saturday is a big one: The Arcticon show. Yes, we will be performing at a gaming convention. What? We're nerds. We even came up with a very special choreography. Here's a hint: You will be assimilated. I also get to be the special guest judge at the convention's masquerade ball costume contest. I'll have a week or two after that to work on our new Web site (which I won't even link because there's literally nothing there yet). At the end of April we head down to Anchorage, where Nomadia is hosting an urban tribal workshop with Heather Stants. We may also be performing at the Dance Together Alaska Festival while we're down there, but our time is starting to get very crunched.

And rumor has it that the Fleurs du Mal burlesque troupe is planning on making a comeback this summer in a big way. The possibility of a 12-show run is out there.....

Mar 6, 2007

don't you judge me!

Posted by Mary |

The group that has been holding a conference in our building all day just finished up and kindly offered the rest of their food to us. Or rather, all we could eat until catering got there to clean it out (at which point it gets thrown away).

I now have all the crackers, a plate full of cheese and a grocery bag with the rest of the crudites on my desk. Did I mention that it's my night to serve dinner at the commune?

Mar 5, 2007

taking the plunge

Posted by Mary |

After much discussion, I went ahead and purchased tickets for Tom and I today. Sure, it's months in advance, but I doubt we'll find a better deal than this: $1,200 each for round-trip from Los Angeles to Auckland. New Zealand, here we come!

Mar 1, 2007

insulted by e-mail

Posted by Mary |

When I received an e-mail from an unknown name with the innocuous subject line "Regarding Work" in my Inbox at work, I shrugged and opened it. Hey, we've got (crappy) spam filters and for all I knew one of our freelance employees was trying to contact me. Instead, I got this:

Hi, I hate to be the one to mention this, but people continue to talk about your weight issue and it just disgusts me. Whether you know it by now, people are always chattering about each other at work but you come up more than enough. I wasn't the happiest or best-fit up until a year ago or so but that did change. Thanks to my dam brother-in-law(of all people). Anyhow, it was for the best.
What I am saying is that you need to do something different and maybe you can make the same difference I did. Try this stuff I used. I took it on the idea it's just more junk but it worked great. I see more positive reviews on it nowadays and makes me feel even better. So, I am encouraging a change, not only in the chatter around here but in you personally.

-Anonymous for now
Using an anonymous email website to send this btw;)
When it helps/works just send a memo out with the name "Angel" in it. Then you can take me out to lunch to thank you. Talk to you sooner than later I hope;)

Well I never! Insulted by my very e-mail?!?! Now, I appreciate the misspelling of a curse word that might otherwise draw alarm bells (though you'd never know it by the number of times I've e-mailed the word porn to a colleague recently). Really, I do. And sure, I'm not quite a supermodel. I'm pretty sure it's the height thing, frankly. But my e-mail calling me fat? That's just a low blow.