Jun 22, 2008


Posted by Mary |

George Carlin, legendary comedian and funny motherfucker, died of heart failure in Los Angeles today. Carlin's bawdy humor always struck a chord with me, and I went to see him many times (usually with my friend Wayne, a dead-ringer for George. It was fun to fuck with audiences).

In honor of George Carlin and in a pathetic attempt to get my blog blocked by even even more censors, I present Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television (but can list in your blog unless you are actively job hunting):

  • shit
  • piss
  • fuck
  • cunt
  • cocksucker
  • motherfucker
  • tits
R.I.P. George. I had to study those words in radio broadcasting class. It sure made the semester more interesting.

Jun 10, 2008

The meeting of the dogs

Posted by Mary |


Mildly NSFW girl-on-girl action ahead.

See? Just be happy I didn’t call them hot bitches. On top is Itchy, Victoria’s Italian Greyhound. On the bottom is Zoe, Robin’s Italian Greyhound.

Saturday morning Robin took the big step of entrusting me with his dog. Zoe and I left him at home and went off into the big, wide world for our doggie playdate. First stop was Jeremy’s house, to pick up Jeremy and Jacques, his Chihuahua. The four of us tried to hit the Farmer’s Market in style for some falafel, but were quickly hustled out of there by an employee pointing out the “No Dogs” signs. My SUV was quickly transformed into Dog-catraz, as we put Zoe, Jacques and Itchy in the back. My car has never been so full of cute before.
After lunch, we headed over to the dog park and met up with Anne and Chachi, her pug. It is worth noting that the Fairbanks dog park is full of Fairbanks dogs. Big, loud Fairbanks dogs. Despite the relative safety inherent in being part of a group of small dogs, Zoe had some trouble hanging with the big boys. When I took her leash off, she trotted over to the fence and stared forlornly at my car. Pick dog up, bring dog back into dog park, repeat. After a few cycles, I put her back on the leash and took her for a walk around the perimeter as a form of therapy.
Back at the small dog picnic table, everyone else was having a grand time. Chachi amused herself by baiting the big dogs, then running away from them as fast as she could. When they started closing in, she would dart under the table for protection. This brought the big, drooly dogs in close proximity to us. Victoria was the unfortunate one in the line of fire when one drooler did the head shake.
I stopped at my office on the way home. I looked back before entering the building, and Zoe had her paws on the driver’s side window and was staring at me with the same intensity she’d stared at the car at the dog park. Awww! When I came back out 5 minutes later, she was in the same position, staring at me. AWWW!!!!!! Cue the sappy violin music. When I got to the car however, I noticed the detritus of my almond cake on the passenger seat. Note to Robin: If your dog got sick, that’s why.

Because we were tired and I wasn't sure if I was going to see Robin that night, I took Zoe back to my house. After one hiss-and-swat attack, Nibbles seemed to call a truce with Zoe. In fact, I spent part of the afternoon in bed with the dog on one side of me and the cat on the other. The terms of their peace treaty did not include being in close proximity to each other.

On my way to a party that night, I dropped Zoe off in Ester. This is the part where I should say that Zoe was happy to be home. It would certainly make Robin feel better. But she did not want me to go. Her little whines at the window as I walked away made that abundantly clear.

And the rest of the night? Rock Star party, barbecue, hitting the Marlin for the Good Daze/Paper Scissors show. I danced for hours in brand new heels. They are broken in, as are my feet. It made me remember how much I miss going out. I need to start doing that again.

Jun 4, 2008

back on track

Posted by Mary |

I don't know what was going through my head when I got to the gym Monday morning. To be precise, "Maybe I ought to run a few miles today" was going through my head, but I don't know why. I haven't run since my chiropractor told me it was bad for my knees. I love Dr. Linda Schertz. She gives me excuses not to run and prescribes me medically necessary (and thus covered by insurance) massages. So, having not run for about 18 months, I decided to hop right into it and ran about 1.5 miles. Tuesday morning my legs rebelled and informed me that we would not be going to the gym. As my main means of locomotion, they have the final say-so in such matters. We reached a truce and went to the gym today, but it's an uneasy truce. They still hurt.

Last night's attempt at mini cheesecakes was less than successful. I ended up with a bit too much filling in each well, causing it to spill over a bit as it baked. Not necessarily a disaster, but it made it impossible to run anything around the edge of the well, thus making it nearly impossible to push the cheesecakes out. I've selected the two best candidates to bring to Robin's house tonight. I plan to investigate this more thoroughly. If I can't master mini cheesecakes, I'll never get to move on to tartlettes. And lord knows I want a bunch of tartlette pans.

I'm getting stymied by Fireworks. Why should I use a different program to do essentially the same things that Photoshop does? I'm going to have to look into this program a little more.

Jun 1, 2008

breaking up is .... easy to do

Posted by Mary |

Heard at a friend's house:

Well, if you get along while you're dating,
it makes it easier to get along after you break up.


I know it strikes most people as strange, but this breakup with Tom has been the best breakup of my life. For those of you who haven't bothered to read my entire blog for the backstory, here's the Cliff Notes: Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy. Girl and boy date for five years, live together, get recognized as non-gay gay partners by girl's workplace. Girl and boy travel to New Zealand. Girl breaks up with boy in shadow of Mount Doom. Girl and boy continue to live together (separate bedrooms, people!) until their lease is up.

I know, I know. As my friend Anne put it, "You people are off the charts weird." But it works! Tom and I are still best friends. And as his mom put it, "You two sure got over each other quickly." And it's true: We are both new in relationships now. And, um, still sharing a house. Which is pretty awkward. However, Tom has found a place and is getting ready to sign the lease, so he'll be gone by next weekend. Until then, though, we continue to spend our sunny Saturdays running errands and eating corndogs and discussing the pros and cons of our new relationships. Plus, he got me a mini cheesecake pan on Thursday. That man understands my need to bake. And he wants mini cheesecakes.

I don't know how to explain it really, but breaking up brought us closer together. How did I manage to pull off ending the relationship but keeping him in my life? I don't know, but I'm so happy with the way everything worked out.

As for my new boyfriend, I told him this morning that I'm only dating him for his dog. Which is partially true. Zoe is absolutely adorable. I'm working on creating the Fairbanks Small Dog Playgroup. OK, not officially, but I do have two Italian greyhounds, one chihuahua and a hardened NYC pug lined up. We need to find a time to get to the dog park and strut our stuff.