Mary Bellamy

Ah yes, I've finally reached that point of pondering the purpose of my blog. Is it to chronicle my life? To vent my frustration? To passively communicate with others?

And of course there's a reason why I'm wondering all this. I think I have been regulating and censoring what I say here so as not to risk offending people. Obviously I haven't been doing that great a job, since Tom won't give his parents the link. Something about too many references to drinking, drugs and/or debauchery. Hey, my parents still read it. But I have avoided certain topics that could create problems, or I've saved posts on them as drafts and never published them. In a way, it helps just to write and vent, but I fear upsetting people if I put them online.

And no, it's not idle gossip that I fear posting. My friends are all pretty well aware that most of what they tell me stays with me. I know when to spill and when to keep my mouth shut. And if I don't keep my mouth shut, I won't get to hear all the good gossip in the first place!

I'm not sure if there's a perfect solution to this - a third blog where I can speak anonymously and freely? Continued self-censorship? Putting it all out in the open? A big part of me wants to say "Fuck it if you can't handle my feelings" and just put it all out there. It's nothing I wouldn't say to anyone's face, so maybe I shouldn't worry about putting it online.

But I don't think I've found the right balance yet, so for now those posts will remain as drafts.