Mary Bellamy

A little quote so you know I'm not dead - just on vacation.

I was planning on writing a long post from the Seattle Airport yesterday, but it was hard to tear myself away from the Board Room, with its bagel bar, fresh juices and free booze.

OK, actually, they only have free internet access if you have a laptop. I, dear reader, do not. I crap outside, for the love of Pete, so I don't exactly have access to portable computer technology. Plus, I was too cheap to pay for use of a terminal.

I did, however, maximize my once-a-year use of the Board Room. I brought Tom, so he managed to make a sizable dent in their supply of bagels and breads. I did my part by attacking the free Bloody Marys with gusto. Gusto, I tell you.

It's less than 24 hours until I get on a plane and fly back to New England. And to be frank, I'm a little nervous. I haven't seen the family since October 2003. And I do love them and miss them, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed. Especially when I'm back in "civilization," surrounded by strip malls and highways and people. Alaska has really grown on me, and I worry that I'll start to get claustrophobic surrounded by the teeming masses of humans one finds Outside.

Of course, I also have to spend time with Tom's family. I've met most of them once before, but it still makes me nervous. They clearly know how Tom and I feel about each other, but that still doesn't make it easy to handle a smart-ass like me. To make things easier, I dyed my hair to some color that occurs naturally on human heads.

And finally, there's the inevitable pressure Tom and I will face about our relationship. So let me just be plain: We are not going to visit the families to announce any of the following:

• an engagement
• a wedding
• a baby

However, I have encouraged Tom to drop to one knee in front of me as often as possible to tie his shoes. That should keep people jumping.

December 16 brought Savage's Solstice Bonfire. And a few lessons:

1. If Savage offers you something called "Uncle Milton's Eggnog," you might want to reconsider drinking it. If you do drink it, and you think, "Gee, this is kind of yummy. I wonder if there's any alcohol in it," stop drinking it immediately. If you make it through the first cup, please, for the love of God, do not drink a second, or third, cup.
2. When someone from your dance troupe calls you the day after a party and your boyfriend tells them you're on the living room floor, hungover, in agony, it's hard to maintain your dignity when telling them you will not be attending rehearsal.
3. No matter what your friends say about valuing your friendship, their actions at a party will speak far louder.
4. If your computer is acting up and you call a shop to price out repairs, it can hear you on the phone. So if the shop recommends backing everything up, do it immediately. Otherwise the computer will immediately go on strike, and all your information will be locked in the hard drive.

If you like Bollywood, or even if you think you might be able to tolerate it, you should check out Chocolate.

OK, it balatantly rips off a pretty well-known American film. And you'll be able to guess which one by about 10 seconds into the opening scene. Why do I say rips off? Well, it's not a remake. The characters are different. The ending is different. Many scenes are different. But in the end, it is the same movie, with many lines being copied almost verbatim.

However, the cinematography and editing are excellent. The movie adds several classic Bollywood dance scenes. And, overall, I enjoyed watching it.

I suppose, on some level, I am aware that the cookies in the library are meant for the students who are studying for finals. And maybe they're not necessraily meant for me. But you know, I took some anyway. And I suppose it's some sort of karmic payback that I just ate a fruitcake cookie. Come on, people....fruitcake?

More Library of Congress stuff most of you won't care about:

drilling platform--moorings is drilling platforms--anchorage

Which hopefully won't be confused with a geographical subheading for drilling platforms in Anchorage.

See? I told you you wouldn't care.

From the Oct. 18, 1974 issue of the Pioneer All-Alaska Weekly:

6.5 million
committed
to alcoholism

I know what they were trying to say: DHSS had earmarked $6.5 million in funding for alcoholism prevention programs. But by leaving off the $, the editors made it looks like there was a whole bunch of dedicated drinkers in the state. Which, especially during the pipeline days, was quite true.

Global warming is a great thing.

Now, before you hippies get up my butt about that statement, let me explain. See, Alaska is cold. I know you may think "Gee, Alaska is cold," and you probably also think you know what cold feels like, but you are most assuredly wrong. According to weatherologists, the average winter temperature in Fairbanks is -17 degrees. Kelvin. So while global warming may be very bad for, say, Pacific islanders, it sure makes Alaska more pleasant. Plus, the Midwest is getting closer to oceanfront property every day.

But I digress. I was busy pointing out that most people are wimps warm. I usually am not. Tom will agree, as he emits a girlish shriek whenever I try to cuddle after a trip to the outhouse. But this morning, something was afoot. The air seemed merely cold, as opposed to frigid. When I started my car to warm it up, it turned over right away and it shifted into neutral. In fact, when I went to unplug my car, the cord was malleable, not frozen.

I can only conclude that this is a sure sign of global warming. And I welcome it. My family has believed me crazy for years now, since I voluntarily moved to Alaska and haven't returned. But overall, Alaska seems to be the more favorable place to live (thanks again to our good friend global warming.

• You have to sweat through eternally long summers, while I trip happily through fields of fireweed under the midnight sun.
• You shiver at 0 degrees F and put the car in the garage, while I plug in various parts of my car to keep them from freezing solid.
• You deal with noxious emissions from the millions of cars around you on the highway, while I deal with noxious emissions from the man next to me in bed.
• You get to pee inside where it's warm, while I go outside ... nah, you win that argument.

This was an educational weekend. To wit:

1. When attending a business/social function, the cash bar may very well turn into an open bar. So buy your drinks carefully.
2. Windows in cabins can break for absolutely no reason.
3. Window sills on said windows make it very hard to seal them with plastic.
4. There really is a Bollywood version of Top Gun.
5. If you can't find a goth-industrial bellydance troupe in town, just form your own.
6. Everyone wants my man. OK, maybe not everyone, but he's getting called for jobs left and right. His reputation precedes him.
7. A 91 Toyota Corolla will start at -30 degrees F without being plugged in for several hours, but a 93 Subaru Legacy gives up after a few unplugged hours at -15 degrees F.
8. Always bring a doggie bag to business functions. And if you wear a wig, make sure to take it off and let others try it on after a few hours.