Mary Bellamy

Back in July, I took the bold step of making my fag hag relationship with Gary official. We were at a party, rather tipsy on some sweet tea vodka and homebrew, when we decided that we should become "It's Complicated With" each other on Facebook. The original rationale was that his boyfriend refused to join FB, and our relationship certainly was complicated.

The two of us can never keep things simple, though. We quickly decided to hyphenate and become the Haley-Blacks. Then we began adopting our friends in order to have a large, multi-ethnic brood, a la the Jolie-Pitts. Then we created a fan page for The Haley-Blacks. Yes, it was all rather complicated indeed. His boyfriend did join FB, but we did not change our relationship status.

However, on Saturday, I ventured to the Boatel with My New Beau, as Gary had expressed interest in meeting him. Gary had also taken to referring to MNB as The Interloper. Things started off calmly enough. Then, out of nowhere, he busts out with, "Now I'm 'Its Complicated' with Marmian. We just changed it on our phones 3 seconds ago." Yes, the very same Marmian who, not a week before, had been begging me to invite her over to watch when I finally decided to end my FB relationship with Gary.

Cue my screaming, "Whore!" across the crowded bar at Marmian and MNB pulling out his phone to update our relationship statuses. Phillip tried desperately to keep the peace by asking if I wanted to go to brunch tomorrow, but Gary interjected with, "Don't you dare ask him!" when I asked MNB if he wanted to go to brunch. I responded by saying "WE" as much as possible. Diana came over to join in the fun, and I told her that Marmian better have four spare tires for her truck, because I was feeling kind of slashy.

So, yeah, introducing him to my friends went well.

Part of the Monday routine, since arriving in Fairbanks in 2003, is to pass judgment on people. Specifically, I refer to the "People" section of the News-Miner. Back in my days at the newspaper, it was my job to put this section together. And thus I did judge people for the stupid names they give their babies ("Neveah" - aka Heaven spelled backward - is not original, folks).

But my favorite part of the game was always guessing which newly engaged couple would be the first to divorce. Good clues were whether the couple lived in North Pole (sorry, NP!), how recently the bride had graduated high school (bonus points if it's a Christian high school) and whether the military was somehow involved in this wedding.

Today, it was like a light shone down from Neveah. The groom is in the military. The bride was born and raised in North Pole. And she has not yet graduated from high school. Wow. Fiancee and prom date all in one?

Not to sound too cynical, but I predict they'll stay together three years. They'll PCS to somewhere in the Lower 48, she'll have two kids, and he'll eventually leave her for a waitress at the local Olive Garden. I've been right about these things before.

I did something to my neck on Thursday. I don't know how or what, but it's definitely in rough shape. I managed to get in to see my chiropractor before my massage on Friday. He made several adjustments, and the massage therapist spent the full hour working on my neck and that portion of my back. By later that night, though, the muscles had clenched up again. I had a mini freakout as I was trying to find my heating pad.

I woke up this morning and spent a good amount of time trying to figure out how to get out of bed. Once that Herculean task was accomplished, I headed back to the chiropractor for more adjusting. While my spine is now properly aligned and my ribs are all in their proper places, my muscles have clenched and just will not let go. I've got an appointment for acupuncture on Monday and another visit to the chiropractor on Tuesday.

In all of this madness, I opted to skip my cha cha class today, as well as the dance rehearsal tonight. Sorry, just can't do it. Instead, I'm at home with the heat pad, an ice pack, advil, icy hot and some naturopathic treatments. I'm working my way through a British zombie miniseries, and have several movies to keep me entertained as well. I stopped by work and grabbed my laptop so that I can work from home on Monday if necessary.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that if I'm suffering, my ex will soon be suffering more. Tom has come up with the bright idea to ski the White Mountains 100 tomorrow. He'll be racing along with his girlfriend Amy and our friend Jay.

In the "Sometimes It Hurts To Be So Fiscally Sensible" category, I transferred money out of my vacation account. It's been accumulating rapidly, so I took enough to max out my Roth IRA for 2009. I only have until April 15 to invest for 2009, and my trip isn't until December. I believe the amount still remaining in the account will be enough for the trip anyway, since I have enough miles with Alaska Air to get to Kenya. Plus there's still that big old tax rebate coming my way...

The house has always been a little moist. I assumed it was because it got sealed too tightly at some point. And the laundry area gets linty really easily, but laundry rooms are supposed to be a little messy, right? Wrong.

I was leaning over the running dryer this evening when I noticed it was unseasonably warm. Out of curiosity, I crawled up onto the washer and peered down. The vent pipe connecting my dryer to the outside vent is not attached. On closer inspection, it appears it was once held together with - wait for it - duct tape. Fun fact: You can use duct tape for anything except ducts. I didn't pull the dryer all the way out, but I suspect the same quality attachment technique was used to connect the vent pipe to the dryer, too.

I have to finish drying the stuff that's in the washer, but then the laundry is off-limits until I can get myself some foil tape and a few hose clamps and fix this situation.

To continue along the home improvement tangent, I have almost every aspect of my bathroom renovation planned out. I can't do it until August, but the plans are there.

In self improvement, I finally made the appointment to get my new tattoo finished. I think my first session with it was back in October, and it will be nice to finally have it done. I don't look forward to the forced immobility for a few days afterward.

I'm really developing a crush on this guy I'm dating. I know that announcing such in a public forum is jinxing things. I know. But I just like talking with him. I've always been more interested in mental attraction than physical (though believe me both are there), and he is proving smart enough to keep me intrigued.

Until I can properly renovate, I must maintain. And this week I noticed a crack developing between the bathtub and the wall. I plan to rip the tub out this summer, but for now I caulked the cracks. For the record, acetone nail polish remover does the trick to clean your hands.

I am in the middle of a blissful long weekend. UAF gives us one paid vacation day for the spring break, so I had Friday off. I even took the day off from the gym, too! I could pretend I have all sorts of projects planned, but tonight will likely just feature dancing.

In unrelated news (because I like to just sort of throw this stuff out in the middle and then ignore it), an old friend died on Monday. Old as in "met him many years ago," not old as in "septuagenarian." He was 39. I'm not really sure how I feel about this, as I haven't fully processed it yet. But I was thankful that the gym was nearly empty Thursday morning. I lost myself in old music while thousands of miles away, friends gathered to remember Jimmy.

My roommate and I seem to have finally hit upon the solution to the constant catfights that have been happening since she moved in. Catfights as in "two cats fighting," not catfights as in "pulling each others' hair as we argue over who gets to shower first." We got a plug-in diffuser for cat pheromones. It arrived this morning. Both cats are now in the same room, mere feet apart, and are ignoring each other. It's an eerie sort of bliss.

I have been sleeping wrong lately. It doesn't seem like the sort of activity one can do wrong, but there you have it. I go to bed like a normal person, and I wake up face down with the upper half of my body jacked up on three or four pillows. It is causing my back some distress. I think I'm going to try putting most of the pillows on the floor. We'll see how much damage I can do with just one.

I had to go to the chiropractor today to get prodded back into shape. It felt good, but I don't think he got me all aligned, and my back is hurting again. It didn't stop me from going to a 2-hour tango class tonight. Nor will it stop me from going out dancing tomorrow night. All this ballroom stuff is great, but I'm starting to feel the need to go to a club. I may have to make plans to do so sometime soon.

In non-dance news, I told my boss today of my travel plans for the winter holidays. I haven't put in a formal request for the dates off, but expect I should be able to do that after a little more research this weekend.

I woke up early for the gym. Since I wasn't able to make it on Friday (see previous post re: no having a blower motor sucks), I knew I wanted to hit it hard. I wanted to make a cardiovascular atonement. However, it seems my right running shoe wanted to sleep in. $%*#

When I forgot my gym pants a few months ago, I just walked 5 miles in cords and called that my exercise for the day. But there was no way I was going to be doing any sort of exercise in the winter boots that I need to wear to stay warm in the unheated car.

Thus: a shower, and an early start to my work day. The office is dead quiet at 7:30 a.m.

Two things you should know about me.

1. I love to dance.
2. I love shoes.

Therefore, ballroom dance, which requires special shoes, holds a place in my heart. Yes, I could dance in regular shoes, but I have found a company that makes rather affordable custom shoes. You pick the shoe style, the heel height, any and all of the fabrics you desire, and you have your choice of a leather or suede sole. In other words, exactly what you want, for $60, most likely made by Chinese orphans.

I already have two pairs. As it turns out, one pair is not so comfortable. They press on the top of my foot and make one toe hurt. Naturally, I've been wearing that pair constantly. I figure if I make my feet hurt enough, I can convince myself that it's medically necessary to buy a new pair. And I was almost there. On Thursday I spent a few hours online with a dance friend in the Lower 48, sussing out my new shoes. I had already chosen the style, and we went back and forth over fabric selections. I may have made a mockup in Photoshop.

But my new shoes are not meant to be. Let's switch gears to sushi. I promise, the story will come full circle.

On Thursday, I not only debated shoes, but also went out on a date. I met him at a sushi restaurant for dinner. (Side note: He shows promise. I was not bored. In fact, I was entertained. As I recall, he sat there patiently while I ranted about Papyrus.) When we left the restaurant, he found that the inside of his windows had frosted. I wished him luck with that (and may have cackled over his misfortune) and drove home. After a few minutes on the road, I thought, "Gee, why don't I hear my vents?" Karma is a bitch. I blew my blower motor. (Pun not intended, but entirely welcome. Thus far, I have struggled not to make "blower motor" sound like a dirty thing.)

As an aside, last week it was +40. This week it is -20. And I have no heat in my car.

I skipped the gym on Friday in favor of calling my mechanic as soon as the shop opened. They had some free time! I brought my car in immediately! You may now cue the familiar Fairbanks chorus: "We don't have that part in town. We'll have to order it. It should be here by Monday." So my car is still driveable, but I have no heat and no defrost (which kind of means I shouldn't exhale in the car).

Oh, and the cost for parts and labor? Over $500. Frak me. So here the story comes full circle: No new shoes for me. I have to get my car functional again. Though it is tempting to just get this and use a space heater.

I decided I was going to give up shame for Lent. It was going to be the best 40 days (and nights) of my life. Then a coworker questioned how I could give up shame when I didn't have any in the first place.

I've decided instead to give up drinking for the month of March. This allows me a month without any alcohol, but keeps me away from the religious trappings of Lent that would make me feel bad if I failed.

Can I act sanctimonious when I offer to be the designated driver all month?

I have found the winner of "worst movie concept of all time."



It's all available on YouTube if you really want to watch it. But you don't really want to watch it, do you?

It's February - how are you doing with your resolutions? I'm not the sort of person to make (or keep) resolutions, but I've realized that I have made a few adjustments to my regular lifestyle.

• Gym changes. The gym fairy was good to me, and I got to go to the SRC almost every day during the University's holiday leave. I realized that I don't like feeling rushed in the morning, so I started getting up earlier so that I can put in longer workouts every day. Anything less than an hour of cardio feels like a waste of time, and I usually do a bit more than that. I've also started stretching after I exercise. Because I'm naturally flexible, stretching feels pointless, but since I've started doing it, my flexibility has increased even more.
• Less baking. I've only baked once this year - pumpkin whoopie pies for my mom's birthday. Of course, this doesn't mention the fact that I've started down the crazy road of candy. Homemade marshmallows, people! Also, I put monthly baked goods back up in a charity auction at work, so I'll be baking again this week. The bid is currently at $205, with a coalition of coworkers banding together to battle last year's winner.
• More water. I'm up to 96-120 ounces a day. I'd like to drink even more, but I'm starting to get weighed down with the amount of water bottles I'm bringing to work. I bring 3 full bottles (1 for the gym, 2 for my desk) every day, and have the option of refilling at the water cooler. UAF tap water tastes disgusting, and I don't want to tax the water cooler funds.
• More dance. Well, also different dance. I'm currently dancing a minimum of 5 hours a week. Lately I've been going to ballroom practice on the weekends too, adding another 2-4 hours of dance. I want to start going to Argentine tango practice when I can, and will continue to explore new avenues of dance. My time with American Tribal Style dance is winding down a bit. I can't commit to the additional time needed to perform ATS, plus the ATS and Cold Fusion performances are usually one and the same, and I don't want the stress of trying to rush costume changes to perform multiple numbers. But ballroom is picking up, and I may move back into hooping.
• Cleaning. My roommate and I have started watching Hoarders. It's great for keeping things in perspective (i.e. "we're not that messy!") and also for getting us off our asses to clean. On Sunday, we prepped ourselves with mimosas, then set a kitchen timer for one hour. We ended up only working on our bedrooms during that time, but it involved crawling under beds and vacuuming and sorting through clothes to give away. Later that night when someone knocked over a drink, it seemed logical to just move all the furniture and mop rather than spot-clean the floor.
  

I think that's about all the changes my life can handle right now. I'm still trying to work out the logistics of an overseas trip at the end of the year. My planning in advance is great, but I can't exactly price out tickets when they're not up for sale yet.

If you don't know what he means by CGI polar bears, check this out:

I was about a minute in and thinking, "Hey, this doesn't have nearly enough music from Top Gun," and then BAM there was some Highway to the Danger Zone. Awesome.

The fee schedule at UAF has long perplexed me as well. If I take 3 or more credits, I have to start paying all sorts of fees. My tuition is free, thanks to work, but I have to pay the fees. Examples of fees a 3-credit student would pay:

• ASUAF $35 per semester - Student government. Also pays for the newspaper, student radio and television station, concerts, etc.
• Athletics and campus recreation - $8 per credit - Grants free access to the campus gym. Oh, wait, my bad. I still have to pay for the gym. This lets me go to home games.
• Student sustainability - $20 per semester - This supports green initiatives. I assume that means the aluminum can recycling bin, because we just throw everything else out.
• Technology - $5 per credit - I have no idea. Maybe the computer labs? Doesn't everyone have a laptop these days?
• UA network fee - 2% of tuition - Technology maintenance.

So, in conclusion: I pay all that every time I take a course. And the library can't buy a book.

In another rant: Parking. Let's just review: I know there's snow on the ground covering those little parking lines. However, the headbolt heater is shared by two spaces. Therefore, one can assume that you do NOT park your car with the headbolt heater perfectly aligned with your hood ornament. That is what is known as "taking up two spaces and parking like a jackass."

Rants over.

This is shaping up to be a fun night at the Boatel.

A tune-up brought my furnace up to almost 80% efficiency. Not bad, considering I think the old girl has been there since the house was built in 1960.

In unrelated news, I am having trouble figuring out my next vacation. It turns out that going to Madagascar (which seems logical since I'll practically be in the area) costs about as much as going to Africa in the first place. The money isn't an issue, but there is a larger concern over the amount of time it will take to include that trip. Have I mentioned that I also have to stop in Connecticut for a while? My sister is having her first child, and there will be hell to pay if I take a vacation without the prerequisite trip to visit the family.

I have plenty of vacation time, but don't feel comfortable leaving work for that long since I often feel like I'm the only person capable of running the big printers or making changes to documents. I think if I can make the vacation coincide with the holiday closures, it will be a slow time at work anyway. Plus, technically my department saves money when I go on vacation!

Can you believe I was in a bar with two reporters and neither of them had a pen so I could write that bon mot down? Good thing I remembered it. I don't remember much else of last night.

Gary, Scott, Josh, Chris and I went to the Boatel for the evening. Scott remained sober and was our DD for the night, while the rest of us tried to cram into his Impreza. Martinis kept appearing in front of me all night long, many pictures were taken, and I recall dancing a lot with Jean-Luc Picard. Rumor has it I also kissed him.

We were dismayed to find that McDonald's was closed at 3 a.m. (Resolutions to eat healthier only go into effect after one has slept off New Year's Eve.) Somehow the lack of french fries resulted in buying a bunch of crappy frozen pizzas at Wal-Mart. I believe Josh chose to sleep on the floor, and he and Chris went home around 6:30 a.m. Gary was up and cooking breakfast around 10, while I laid claim to the term "indisposed." Since this is only the second time I've had a hangover in my life (the first being the result of Uncle Milton's eggnog and a bonfire a few years back), I was ill-prepared. However, I had thrown together a baked french toast dish before we went out, so Gary popped it in the oven, then he, Scott and I cuddled in bed while all the food cooked.

Gary was really keen on Skyping Mother Haley, though I demurred. He even offered to wander by casually in the background wearing nothing but an apron. In the end, we just ate breakfast and drank mimosas. Hair of the dog and all that.

I do have pictures to post and Christmas stories to share, but my Internet has been, frankly, shit. I've got yet another appointment with a technician on Monday. I'll replace the phone lines when I rip out the interior walls, but for now my ability to connect is sporadic at best. Keep your fingers crossed for better connections tomorrow, and maybe I will upload pictures of Oh Tannenbones.

I think most people have habits. Hobbies, if you will. Little things that they do when they need to pass some time. Me? When I'm bored, I like to count the letters in words. If I'm really bored, I'll break the word down into smaller segments and try to think of other words which contain those same segments of letters.

My dad's timepass, apparently, is going to the hospital. Case in point: He took Monday off from work and was running some errands when he started feeling unwell, so he went to the hospital in Norwich. He managed to score twice in one day, because they said he'd had a heart attack and transferred him to Yale. Sigh. I just came back from Connecticut. I think he's trying to trick me into returning again.

It's -30ish today. I'm packing up The Boarder and we're going to the hot springs.

One of my coworkers showed up at part of the dance workshops last weekend. Given that he is a good Latin dancer and I still struggle with the concept of letting someone else be in charge, I decided to try to get him to come to an Argentine tango milonga on Tuesday. Success! He showed up and once again attempted to break my brain.

Some of my readers may not know this, but I have a slightly dominant personality. Therefore it is a constant struggle for me to dance socially. I don't mean grinding in a club. a) I don't go to clubs. b) If I did, I could control the dancing in that situation. My struggle is in letting go and allowing someone else to determine how we will move. It's harder than it seems. I can't seem to stop counting the beat and trying to finish the moves for my partner.

Since no good deed goes unpunished, I had to wake up at 5 this morning. When I flew to Portland, Liz picked me up at 5:15 to get me to the airport for my morning flight. It turns out that she was taking the same flight on her way to Baltimore, so it fell to me to return the favor. But when life hands you lemons, you get your ass to the gym extra early. Thus I hit the SRC at 6 a.m., got a long workout in and still got to work much earlier than normal.

The extra time I log today will offset the time necessary to bring in a heated dish for tomorrow's potluck and gift exchange. I'm veering away from desserts for once and bringing in a whole bunch of bacon-y goodness. Also, I am bringing the worst gift known to man. I expect folks to fight over it.

I approached the issue of my broken auto start just like I would approach a computer that is acting up. I disconnected the battery, then reconnected it. Hallelujah, the auto start is receiving a signal. It seems to have gotten itself into valet mode, which I need to switch, but it is working once again.

This weekend is going to be busy. I have two days of Latin ballroom dance workshops starting Friday evening. A friend also requested I attend her birthday dinner Friday night and then go to a bar. I might try to meet her at the bar when I am done dancing, but I've got another 5 hours of workshops on Saturday. Saturday night is the birthday celebration of one of my closest friends, Rachel. Also happening Saturday: the first Clucking Blossom fundraiser (featuring Thought Trade and Work), the last Paper Scissors show for a while, and a friend's boyfriend is playing at the Mecca (ew - to the bar, not to him). So many choices!